Sunday, November 23, 2008

Azlan's Story

Azlan was one of those babies who just knew, the world is a lot better in his mama's tummy. He refused to come on time, up until over a week later when labor was finally induced. I am now one of those mothers that wishes I could have held him inside me forever - at the same time I know, that where he is now is unfanthomably better than anything that me or this world could have offered him.

He was born completey healthy - had a good Apgar Score. I passed our during the c-section - his first cry woke me, followed by the second, followed by the doctor telling me that he peed all over her - like I said, born as a healthy baby boy.

Shortly afterwards, he developed problems which caused blood to come out of his mouth. I learned all this much later, I hadn't held him and they put him inside a ventilator. A little later, his lungs collapsed and they put him on three different kinds of anitbiotics - but his little body would respond to any of them. He fought for 14 hours, and only 15 minutes after his heart started slowing down he grew his wings and become one of God's angels.

His blood tests came back a few days afterwards and we learned that he had Staphylococcus Lugdunensis - all the googling in the world still leaves this bacteria a hidden evil villian, one which I guess I'll never fully understand. All I know is that it attacked his immune system and caused his lungs to collapse - the combonitation of which left us all where we are now.

My beautiful little angel - you'll forever be in our hearts.


  1. So so sorry for your loss.

    I just found your blog through the baby loss directory.

  2. Thanks Barbara - just went through your blog - the very same condolences to you.

    Its good to find people who understand what you're going through - even though wish they didn't have to.

  3. I just came to read your Azian's story. I wish that there could be something that I could say but I know that there is nothing that can be said to ease this pain. I will include you and in my prayers.