Saturday, November 29, 2008

Friends, Pregnancies, and Babies

Friends, pregnancies, and babies. Probably one of the most difficult things to deal with when you’ve lost your own child. To see the happiness and glow on the faces of others, trying to be happy with them, not letting your own sorrow get in their way. But usually failing miserably – hopefully not in front of them but even worse, when you’re alone. Thinking back to a time when you had the same dreams and hopes that they are now carrying forward. Not even sure whether its “right” to share these thoughts with other friends who don’t have children or even your partner. Because sometimes these thoughts just feel so wrong, so evil, with so much guilt.
But in the end you’re only human.

You’ve been through the worse loss that someone can go through. You expect to lose your parents and eventually you know that one partner or another has to go. But your child, even before you feel the first heartbeat or the first kick – you’re supposed to see that child grow up, you’re supposed to worry about how that child will deal with losing you; not the other way around.

Thus you’re only human. I feel its perfectly alright to feel the bitterness and the anger. For a while it may be all you feel when you see others and their children. But its important to achieve some kind of acceptance. Acceptance that you will move on, acceptance that things will get easier. Acceptance that they will or already have gone through their own form of tests in life, and this is yours.

Its even harder to achieve any kind of acceptance if you and your partner are on different planes at this point, which will most likely be the case. But at the point where the hurt is still too fresh, its important that both of you have the space to feel what you need and to be able to deal with others’ children in your own way.


  1. I pray that Allah eases your pain. I don't even have children of my own, but your posts make me ache and cry for the loss that you must feel.

    No one can turn back what life throws at them, all we can learn to do is to become better people and to make sure that we do not suffer in vain.

    This blog may be a hidden blessing for you, I am sure you are touching tons of people.

    And I pray for your son, a lot. And for you.

    You did have a son, so you should be proud of that. He is not with you, but he is still yours.

    He is reserved with Allah and remember, he will request to meet you in heaven and insha'Allah he will be granted that.

    And you will see him in the most beautiful of places and forms.

    This dunya is something that we give so much value to, but what is it really?

    A place full of criminals, pedophiles, snooty people?

    I am sure these past 10 months must have been difficult. But your son lives on, so worry not.

    He is just that special, that you have to stand in line to meet him :)

    Much love and prayers.

    Unfortunately I have nothing else to offer. But time heals all wounds, and healing does not mean forgetting about what once was.

    It's about choosing not to throw things away, but continuing to live on to share the memory and love that you feel.

    Take care and hugs!

  2. Reading you gave me strength and perspective. You'll be in my prayers.