Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Pets after Loss

I've always had pets. For as long as I can remember - birds, turtles, guinea pigs, ducks, chickens. The longest time I didn't have a pet for was right after I got married, and for about 2 months I felt a very empty quiet feeling. So then, I got Batman, a beautiful African Gray Parrot. But then I got pregnant, and Batman got too much to take care of so I gave him to my sister. After that, during the 9 months, never felt the need for a pet - I had "my little monkey" who's feet I could feel, who's elbows I could feel, who would constantly bug me if I turned the wrong way while watching TV.

Then I lost my little monkey. And for the longest time, nothing really mattered - until for some strange reason I started wanting a cat again. And one day, out've the blue, without any plan my hubby and I bought a siamese. Keeping in mind that I never wanted a simese and really wanted a persian, but Mr. Hubby wanted the siamese, I thought that eventually she would grow on me.

After the first 3 days, I decided - I wanted to get rid of her. She was just too much to deal with! So demanding! But Mr. Hubby said she'd grow on me. So I waited and slowly I started to be able to put up with her. Now I have to catsit my sister's Himalayan. Both of them are the same age and equally as demanding - again, I wanted to get rid of her but then thinking that perhaps combined they were too much to handle together I thought I'd be patient.

And then ONCE AGAIN I just wanted to get rid of her again. This time I blamed it on hygienic issues. And somewhere around that time we started talking about having a baby again - and then I think it hit me that as stupid or cliche as it may sound I wanted a cat because I had a lot of misplaced motherly feelings that needed to be dealt with. And very obviously though I might have felt it at the time, a cat was not going to solve the misplaced feelings.

So our cat is going to be finding a new home. And even though we'll make sure that it's a good one I feel that we've been unfair to her. She did help me get some thoughts into place, but she's also the one who's going to be facing the consequences of my impulse buying. So before you get a pet to make you feel better, think about what that animal is going to go through once you do.

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