Monday, March 16, 2009

Crazy Dreams

Everyone shares all the good dreams that they have after losing a child - and I don't think I've ever read or heard about someone's bad dream. It could be because they're quickly forgotten or because people just don't want to share them. Either reason is very understandable. I want to say "Sadly I haven't had a happy dream, not even one" but for some reason I don't feel sad about not having a happy dream about Azlan. The reason for that, as well as I can understand, is what is a dream going to achieve? Its just a dream right? So it doesn't really make much of a difference.

But bad dreams, I've had PLENTY of. And I tend to have very realistic, very clear dreams. This past weekend, my dreams have caused me to do things in my sleep that are ridiculously painful!

One morning I get to work wondering why my arms are hurting so much. And in the back of my head I constantly have this feeling - I should know WHY they're hurting. I kept wondering, never realizing until I was about to fall asleep that night. I remembered - I had been dreaming "something" and in reality I ran on my hands and knees across the bed and LEAPED off - yes, you read that right - I leaped off the bed. I woke up when the footboard slammed into my shoulders (thank god it wasn't my neck or chin!) and my hands hit the floor. The pain was enough to wake me up - but I was sleeping so deeply that I only managed to get back on the bed and fall asleep at the footboard. I later woke up and tried to get to the top of the bed, only to manage nearly falling off the side. Ultimately I did make it back to the top. I later remembered a little bit of what I had been dreaming - I dreamt Azlan was falling down - just downwards and I was trying to catch him. I don't remember much more than that. Except that it was really dark.

The next night, while sleeping, I kicked myself upwards, hard enough to bang my head against the headboard. Loud enough to wake my husband up who's a really really deep sleeper (he didn't stir the least bit during my leaping adventure). I mumbled I was OK and went back to sleep.

What's going on?? I really have no idea. I'm wondering whether I should see a doc to start taking sleeping pills, though obviously sleeping is not the issue. Maybe I should tie myself up! :P

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