Can't do it. Really. Tried. Desperately. Tried desperately only because I was at my inlaws and really didn't have a choice. So on one side of the table they were talking about "the first night of marriage" - a very scandalous topic since pre-marital sex is largely not part of the culture here but one that I really don't want to hear! And on the other side of the table they were talking about children and how its far better to have them back to back - and that's a topic I REALLY don't want to discuss...with anyone.
So for a while I kept looking from one side to the other, trying to act interested without catching anyone's eye, simply from fear of being forced into the conversation. I kept looking over to the other side of the lawn where Mr. Hubby was standing and clicking away on his new found passion of unlimited Internet on his cellphone and thus his new found addiction of facebooking. And I'm thinking to myself, I really just want to go stand with him and not deal with all this small talk crap.
What was the big deal? The fact that if I did, the usual gossip of "These two just hang out together", "These two are so antisocial", "These two are still so in love" - all said in taunting ways would begin. And after about 5 minutes of trying to be social, I just gave up. And we did act antisocial and we did act like we were still in love. And we really didn't care.
So I can't deal with small talk no more, and neither can he. We're in our little bubble because we're comfortable in it. Small talk doesn't mean much. It may to some people so that they can go and make fun of what others were saying later. But whats the point of going on and on knowing that neither you nor the other party is enjoying what you're saying? Once upon a time I could do it. But perspective on everything changes once your heart has been broken into a million pieces - useless things seem all that much more...useless. You no longer really feel like wasting your time for others. Well, at least I don't.
For now, I'm content that I can now share my new views of a very isolated life with at least one other person. And we're happy together.
Fulfilled
7 years ago
I am so sorry that you too must know the mindless expectations of society. I am so ashamed that I never saw them before my loss, I only contributed to them.
ReplyDeleteYou are so lucky that you and Hubby can hide in your bubble- in the future, when the fog begins to lift (even if just a bit) it will be him there with you... not the rest of the world with their unrealistic expectations-
If your bubble has you, Hubby and your tiny angel in it, I say keep it forever... I do.
babe... totally agree with u, and i couldn't have send it better... all that you wrote about small talk... perfectly said...
ReplyDeletei honestly have lost the patience to engage in such talks with individuals... i just don't seem to care or be bothered by what's going on in their lives... cuz honestly i know they don't really care about what's going on in mine.. and why should they? they've got so much to live for, so much optimism around them...
negativity such as me is better left in a bubble... a bubble where i'm not so negative to the world, however, i'm REAL to the one person who really knows what it means to feel and know me... where i don't need to pretend nor do i have to smile cuz i have to ... but i smile cuz i want to for the person who knows why i smile... or why i don't smile...