Desensitization

I was recently having a conversation with someone at the office, J. She had recently found a box of very young puppies that had been left in the sun by a person that obviously had no heart. The sun shines in Karachi 10 months of the year and it SHINES. These poor puppies actually were sun burnt. J tried to save all of them but sadly 2 died and 1 survived. She was telling me how initially she was going to leave them but realized how desensitized we as a society have become. When you regularly read headlines of people being killed, suicide bombs going off, 3 puppies left all alone don't seem all that much.

This morning as Mr. Hubby and I were leaving for the office, we found a little kitten lying on our drive way. The first thing I said to him was: "Don't call it, she'll come to you for lovin" At this point I'm thinking, we're already running late and the last thing we need is a clingy kitten. Keep in mind that Mr. Hubby and I are cat lovers. I tried shooing her away but she wouldn't move. I moved closer and realized that her hind leg had been mauled and she couldn't stand up. She apparently had been lying there for some time because I saw BIG ANTS crawling all over her back legs. At this point Mr. Hubby said to me "Don't look at it too much." He knows that I tend to have extremely vivid dreams and something like this would set off my crazy dreaming phase.

So I stood in front of the kitten so he could take the car out without accidental crushing her. In the car, I started remembering my conversation with J and thinking back to all those times I rescued hurt kittens and birds. Most of the time, with my mom's help I would be able to get these animals back on their feet. I felt so guilty. How could I leave that innocent little kitten to most likely die before we got home? I told Mr. Hubby and his response was "I feel guilty too, but neither you nor me have the time to take her to the vet. That's our reasoning". Reasoning. We reasoned with ourselves to make desensitization acceptable.

I'm embarrassed to say, that at one point I hoped something would just take the kitten away. Put it out of her misery and not make us feel guilty anymore. I feel like a very bad person today. I think that kitten was left on our doorstep to make me feel this. I've been turning away from lost or hurt animals because I don't think I would be able to take one dying on me. Perhaps its time I realize I can't runaway from the death of other living things anymore.